Ticketmaster Admits To Profiting From Fees, Offers Credits to Consumers

Nobody charges The Karate Kid and My Cousin Vinny too many fees

Consumers have been getting boned by Ticketmaster for so long that we’ve have become numb to the screwing — unless you’re Curt Schlesinger and his buddy who sued the corporate giant over their exorbitant fees. The eight year lawsuit finally came to an end this past week. Below, we engage in some amateur armchair laywerin’ to break down the case.

The Lawsuit: Two dudes buy tickets to a Bruce Springsteen/Wilco concert in 2003. They file a joint lawsuit claiming that the TM’s fees are excessive. Eight years later, Ticketmaster settles.

The Verdict: Ticketmaster is guilty.

The Penalty: Virtually nothing. Ticketmaster can keep extorting you, but now they have to mention that yes, indeed, Ticketmaster does make a profit off that buggering.

Generic Corporate Quote With Zero Apology: “Ticketmaster vigorously disputes that its previous descriptions of these fees were misleading and the responses of customers to the news of this settlement have confirmed that. Nonetheless, as part of the settlement, Ticketmaster has modified its disclosures to emphasize that there is a profit component in these fees.” via New York Times.

The Payout: You don’t even get a refund. Instead, you receive a $1.50 credit on future Ticketmaster purchases which is the equivalant of a giant middle finger.

The Details: Does it really matter? Because it’s Ticketmaster, trying to get a $1.50 credit will probably cost you $10.00 in more imaginary fees. Read more here. I fell asleep halfway through.

The Silver Lining: All unclaimed credits will be donated to charity. Wait, can Ticketmaster use a huge charity payment to offset corporate taxes? They may be monsters, but they’re also genuises.

Random Windfall Guy: The lawyers who argued the case are walking away with millions. Take that One Percenters! We’re taking money from the corporations and giving it to fat cat lawyers instead. The defendents of the case each get $20,000, which I assume is the equivalant of two  tickets to a Bruce Springsteen/Wilco show.

Born during a sweaty, backstage, Bonnaroo downpour, the Chief Festival Junkie's mission in life is to dance, write, and travel to every great festival that this wide world has to offer. While his identity remains a mystery, you may have already met him, probably when he helped himself to your party favors.

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